Last week on the show I asked listeners to send in their synonyms for 'being drunk'. The idea was to turn the various terms into a poem which will feature in the Malt and Barley Revue (premieres on April 12th and 13th at the Glenfarg Hotel and the Inn at Lathones). So, here we have rather more than 26 words for pishedness...thanks to all concerned. 'Full of loudmouth soup' is the best one, I think.
FULL OF LOUDMOUTH SOUP
Ankled, banjaxed, bladdered, bleezin'
Why? Do I really need a reason?
I'm cabbaged, clobbered, Chevy Chased
But not a broken vein upon my face
Despite being thoroughly Dot Cottoned
Sobriety is almost forgotten
I'm etched - egregiously and completely
The creme de menthe went down so sweetly
So now, I'm fleemered and I'm fecked
So many snifters have been necked
That guttered, sweaty, ganted and howling
I'm wearing shirts made out of towelling
Inebriated, jaked up, jaxied
I've been sick in every single taxi
In every city kiboshed and kaned
Bernhard Langered, legless, insane
Mappoch it is in Gaelic, mottled
But I've recycled all my bottles
I'm Newcastled, out of my tree
There's really not much wrong with me
On the skite, overly refreshed,
Swear I'd still pass my driving tesht
And drink improves pronounciation
Adds sparkle to enunciation
Shir Shean of Shcotland I would cite
And there's word that sounds like 'shite'
Predicting earthquakes, kissing pavements
Quite quoited, rubbered, I've made arrangements
To remain forever snobbled
Sleeping on tarmac or on cobbles
Thora Hirded, trousered, trashed
I've spent great lakes of liquid cash
Unca' fou, marocced, it's easy
Very vomitous and queasy
My wobbly boots are on, I'm wellied
But neat, clean, not the least bit smelly
Xenophoned, Yorkshired as a skunk
Zombied
But not even
Slightly
Drunk.
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