Episode Five: "I just want to integrate into the community!"

First off, and seriously: The loss this week to fire of the Fair Isle Bird Observatory (as featured in Shetland Series 2: Blue Lightning) is a major tragedy for the island and especially for the wardens and their family. The building was fully insured and all the Observatory's 70 years of records were digitised and preserved. But if you'd like to help the Parnaby family, who lost everything, there's a GoFund Me page here.

But back to the Archipelago of Death, and European Centre of All People Trafficking, where the tech boys are trying to crack a phone. Jamie's been abducted by Olivia. Blonde woman is in jail with only a tattoo for company. Meanwhile, back in Watsness, Zezi's alive and Nikki is dead. Rosie's got no idea where Jamie is. Sandy still hasn't been suspended.

Wisnae ma fault!

Blonde Boyle woman wants protected. "From who?" Jeemie, it's "from whom"? McGuire will kill Zezi if he doesn't get paid. She tells them where Watsness is and with Sandy (still not suspended) and Tosh, Jeemie heads for the house. A dozen uniformed cops are transferred there by magical means and appear suddenly at a brisk trot. Jeemie opens a Sinister Door very slowly. Zezi was there. She had chalk. It's a clue! Sandy says they need to see something. Nikki.

The house is rented from Duncan Holiday Rentals. Duncan, Jimmy's love interest/housemate/fellow dad. "You'd better not be getting into bed with these people Duncan." McGuire is on the run with Zezi. Blonde wummin was just doing what she was telt.

But there's been a sighting of a blue Suzuki. Jimmy sends Tosh to the guest house, which seems unwise. Sandy's ready to see his chances of promotion going down the rain. Probably wise. Tosh is retrieving a knife from a drain at the guest house. And it now looks like Olivia killed the Hayes. Whoever they were. I've forgotten. Oh, Jamie's mum and brother. So Jamie's in danger. And a social work report belatedly reveals that Olivia had a history of violence.

Duncan fancies a job on the oil rigs. He asks his pal, Alice's man, who's at last suspicious about Alice and Jimmy. Sandy is studying for his exams, or rather the investigation. "Nobody, least of all me thinks you were negligent," says Jeemie. Aye, sure.

Tosh's pal saw McGuire down by the fish factory. "Every nook and cranny". Gavin Laird, you're nicked (Not the General Secretary of the AEEU). Olivia's driving Jamie off a cliff, nearly. Where's my daughter? Meanwhile Gavin (real Shetland accent, or pretty much) admits he knew McGuire and was involved in a blackfish scam. Off we go to Eshaness, where Olivia is still driving Jamie over the cliff, nearly. Here comes Jeemie and Tosh. Jamie says Prentice...oh, I don't know. Something or other. Jeemie stands in front of the car, and swears he will find Olivia's daughter. Several times.

Alice and almost-cuckolded husband Chris talk turkey, or whether or not she fancies Jeemie. "I just want to be part of this community." Integration: always easier if you shag a cop.

She just wants to integrate into the community!

Jeemie and Olivia in the jail. No tape recorder, no second cop, no realism whatsoever. But hey, talk to me, Olivia. Your file is just a list of self-destructive behaviour. Why? I was angry. No-one believed me. I was abused from the age of 11. I saw the same thing coming for Daniel and Zezi. But the social workers said I was violent. I gave them up to keep them safe. But they weren't. I didn't kill the Hayes. Oddly, Jeemie fails to ask why there was a hidden knife down the cludgie of her hotel. She won't be charged because...because Jeemie likes her.

Chris has walked out on Alice. Jeemie's ready to help her integrate. you getting yourself into something, says  Rona Fiscal. I don't want to be the guy who breaks up a relationship. It's already broken, says Rona.

Tosh has worked out that a landing of immigrants is imminent. And at last, Sandy is facing a tribunal. Even though he's still not suspended.

Cassie wants to go back to Glasgow. She's a worry. Duncan - ever thought about early retirement? Dodge can always find another sheriff. You can gallop off into the sunset with Alice, integrating like mad. Wow, here's Chris. I don't want to get in the way if you two want to be together. I recognise the need for community integration. Wimp or what?

McGuire is off in the van (that's not a blue Suzuki!) on that same stretch of road that's been in every episode, Zezzi in the back. They're going to offer the ransom and get her back. Alice and Jeemie by the sea. Almost a snog but not quite. Looks like some winching is definitely on. The community is safe!

Sandy's interview is finished ."What do they expect us to be? Mindreaders?" And now, the panto romance between Tosh and gleckit nerdy digiboy. Cheer up everyone!  Duncan is pished, watching the mirrie dancers. "Did you know that's what they call the Northern Lights?" Aye, because despite  my Glaswegian accent, I'm from here. "Naw, ye're no." Duncan and Jeemie have a quiet, calm, sensible chat. "Ye pissed it all away one lie after another."

Right, endgame approaches. Olivia calls McGuire. I have the money. McGuire answers the phone in a petrol station. Doesn't he know how dangerous that is? He'll call back. Aye sure. And yet he does. Meet me at an empty byre near Toft. Come alone. Of course I won't. Several hundred police are hiding behind dry stane dykes as McGuire's van approaches. It's a trap. Mcguire has been tipped off. I suspect Alice. Who else knew? Another chase is on, in grim weather, Volvo versus Transit Connect. That's never going to end well. Crash. And it's a sunny day!

Duncan wakes up on a beach. He's feeling a trifle unwell. Never mind, a wee swim will wake him up.

There are bodies in the water. Zezi? Nope. Turned out nice again.